He's just not that into you...

...but you will continue to pursue him nevertheless!

I am a bit of a hopeless romantic, hopeless being the operative word. After reading "He's just not that into you" by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo I was still left a little dazed and confused. Constructed like a self help book to dating it claims to stop women from wasting their time on men who just aren't interested in them (you may have seen the screen version advertised with the likes of Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck in).

It took me a week to read the book from cover to cover, probably a personal best as I am an extremely slow reader, always needing to absorb and digest every single word. Being forever a single gal, getting no where with dating I found the book uplifting and helpful in some respects. It made me realise that a close friend who I had liked for over a year, would remain as just that.... a very good friend. This didn't make me sad or regretful. It made me feel positive about the future of my dating life. Soon after finishing the book I began seeing someone else, I convinced myself that it was the book's doing. We dated for a little bit and I realised that I had those 'feelings' for this guy, he wasn't doing any of the negative things that the book described and I was feeling really positive. It was probably the best Christmas to date, just thinking that there was someone that found me funny, attractive and interesting (obviously I knew all of these things about myself already but it means more when it's from someone that you care about). Anyway it got to that point of the holidays where I was needed back up North and Milton Keynes had had its wicked way with me for another fully charged Christmas.

I've made the mistake many many times before of not asking where I stand with guys and being forever in limbo. So... I got very drunk (not the best tactic girls) and asked him... then got emotional when being told that now was not the right time for a relationship for him. At the time I felt that overwhelming sense of rejection and loss, I don't think the alcohol helped matters. Obviously I had time to think and I realised that he was right, for I am at university and he is busy with work and other grown up and responsible things.

So If the book is right in what it preaches then he's just not that into me?! Based on the reason that he doesn't want to jump on board the relationship train, right here, right now. Is there a clear right and wrong here? Or is there allowances for a grey area?

In our modern society women often ask men on dates (can't say I have but some of my girlfriends have) and take the lead. Although when I asked some of my male friends they didn't like the idea of being controlled, but some guys like being in the backseat.... ahem* so to speak. Should Behrendt's book be written off as another self help guide of mumbo jumbo? Or the fact that it has been made into this film does this make it the bible for women who are dating? I thought I was decided but now I am not so sure. Why are there rules to follow? It almost makes me angry watching my friends 'play' people to see how far they can push them... save your games for the pitch please. I always told myself that I would not become a fool for anyone, I have always been an extremely independent and strong-willed (sometimes) lady. I am in no way saying that relationships are for the weak, just don't let someone morph you into their twin, or their second brain. You have an opinion, a voice and a reason for being on this earth too and that's not just to fulfill your partner's needs.

I think I'll re-read the book tonight and ponder this some more, after I have done yet more uni work of course...

Vickee xo

No comments:

Post a Comment